Yesterday was a rough day in many ways. There was a tragic boating accident that unfolded here and we lost two members of our small community. Every death hits us hard, and this doubly so.
But July 30th is always a day I rue, for personal reasons. For it is the anniversary of another death, that of my first wife Janice. It is fifteen years since she died. Fifteen years. A lifetime ago, and yet only minutes.
Janice died of ovarian cancer, but there is always a danger when you say something like that that it becomes all about the cancer, not about her. It is a terrible disease but it looms so large in our imaginations that it swallows up all other concerns. She died in my arms.
She was so, so much more than her disease and her death. There is not a day that her smile doesn't pass through my thoughts. She lives in my memory, the good, the bad, the ordinary, and the extraordinary. I am a lucky man to have had her in my life. And I've said it again and again, but very few people find great love in their lives, and I have found it twice. I am indeed a fortunate soul.
There are some flowers floating down to the sea for my Sweetie, they are how I mark this day. One of my rituals. After I imagine a conversation with her, and bring her up to date on my year. Flowers in a stream, all of it, this life of ours.
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9 responses
She is a lovely woman to look at. Even more than that she has an openness in her face that reflects a caring person. I’m sure you miss her so. How nice that you keep her alive in your memories.
I didn’t think I could love you any more Clare, but now I do. 🙂
Thinking of you and your Janice. Aching for your community today.
When I saw the title of this post, I immediately thought of Janice. It’s not even that I knew her, but her presence is here on this blog with you. I scatter flowers for my father on the anniversary of his death as well. There’s something about those beautiful bits of color floating off toward the greater sea.
I read this somewhere in a comment: Remembrance is resurrection.
Yes.
Thanks Emma. This actually a passport photo, but it captures her smile well, so I enjoy it.
Aww thanks Tina.
Thank you Liza. It is aching as well.
Thanks Robin, remembrance is indeed resurrection. It is our only type of immortality, even if it only lasts as long as our memory. Her ashes are in the sea (Kauai), and some of them floated down a stream in a special place in a basket of plumeria. That is part of the significance.
Beautiful Clare! And I’m sorry for all your losses.
Thank you Morena.
You have definitely been blessed with amazing women in your life!
That I have Kara, that I have.