Eulogy

It has been over five years since my dad passed away. He has always been the man I most wish I was. And, as is often the case when we lose people, I think of the history that is lost when they go, like a library disappearing. I still find myself to this day thinking "I should call dad, he'd know that… oh". 

The other day I came across the words I spoke at his funeral and I thought I'd share them on here. In part so there is another place they can be found, when my internal book of history is lost.

Two things.

First of all, I will not make it through this without breaking down.

Secondly, my dad was a teacher.

All parents are really. And I don’t mean the stuff they set out to show you, like how to change a tire, make soup, drive a car. How to cast your hook just under those overhanging willows where the big fish lie. But the stuff they teach you by being. By living.
About the time I became a father I learned of a passage written by Umberto Eco.

“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.”

We are formed by little scraps of wisdom. Well, hopefully wisdom. And dad taught me much by living his life as I believe it should be lived. He remains the man I most wish I was. Today I want to share with you two of his most important lessons.

Live life with humour. Live so you can ignite that same twinkle in your eye that always seemed to reside in his. I honestly don’t think that dad loved anything more in this world than to make someone smile, even if that smile took the shape of a groan. And that twinkle would rise even when times were dark. Because making someone smile is important work. Life can be dark, facing life with humour and grace keeps the light going. It eases the weight of others. And just as importantly, eases your own.

Dad jokes are a noble calling.

The other lesson is this, be kind. Even when it isn’t easy. Especially when it isn’t easy. It’s easy to be kind to those we love, our neighbours, those who look like us, those who hold our views. Be kind when it’s hard. Dad would. Because it matters.

We had a relative who could be difficult to love. Ornery. Liked his drink. I found him down right mean. And at the end of his days, in care, when it would be easy to leave him to others dad would visit, and care for him, and show him love. I remember well dad’s anger at a doctor who treated this man as something less. Because dad knew that everyone, everyone, deserves our kindness.

There’s a series of books by Terry Pratchett, fantasy novels. The one called Reaper Man is about Death. Not dying death, but Death, the Grim Reaper. So I guess it’s about death. It contains a line that has resonated with me.

“…no one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away…”

Ripples. We all leave ripples behind. The people we touch, the deeds we do. Some of us leave the water almost still, but they are there. Others send their ripples far into this world.

I want my dad’s ripples to last, to not die away. To last beyond me. Beyond my children. So here’s a challenge for you. You’re here, I assume, to honour dad, remember him. When you leave this place do two things. Make someone smile. But more importantly be kind to someone. Not someone easy, but someone who challenges you. Someone who struggles. Someone who looks different than you. Someone whose idea of love is different than yours, but maybe not really so different. Someone who sees this world from a different place, who might not have had the same ladder to stand on. Someone you’ve grown estranged to. Someone without a home of their own.

Be kind.

Ripples. Make some ripples.